Is it easy to ask for help when you need it, or are you completely self-reliant? I find it very difficult to ask anyone for help with anything. Even if I’m walking up seven flights of stairs, carrying five parcels with a baby strapped to my back and a 20 litre drum of water on my head, if someone asks me if they can hold the door for me, I’ll say, ‘No thangs. Mm fine’. (I have a pocket of oranges in my teeth). And I don’t know why.
It’s not as if I believe I’m completely self-sufficient and can exist solely on my own without the company, let alone help of anyone else. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I believe that if I start something I should be able to finish it (like a slab of Cadbury Bubbly mint or a bottle of wine – btw, see the latest issue of Essentials magazine for some delicious wine suggestions). If not, I shouldn’t have started it in the first place and my self-imposed punishment is to do it without anyone’s help so next time I’ll know better than to start something I can’t finish.
And now that I read this I’m thinking: ‘Geez, I really am very hard on myself!’. I’ve never actually thought about it before but I do remember someone saying this to me once. And I just poo-pooed their comment.
I think it may also have something to do with my believing that asking for help makes me weak. Please note that I did say ‘me’ here. It’s absolutely fine for others to ask for help – in fact I love helping other people out and actively encourage them to seek assistance when they’re in need, which is why I became a teacher (so very many years ago). It’s just not OK for me (man alive! If there are any psychologists reading this they’re going to have a field day. Good thing I haven’t told anyone about the recurring dream I have where I’m writing my matric finals and I haven’t studied…).
But, having admitted this to the whole world (OK granted, the whole world isn’t reading this but they could if they wanted to) I’m on my way to a full recovery. Admitting I have a problem is the first step. And it’s something I will work on. Because, walking up the stairs with two alpacas under your arms, an armadillo on your back and a briefcase loaded with Chelsea buns in each hand is not a load one should carry alone. In fact… it’s not a load anyone should carry – ever.