Rob a bakery? Follow your teenage children? Sneak into a pricey restaurant and scoff all the food for free? No. If I had an invisibility cloak I’d have a nice long shower or bath by myself. Yes. You read correctly and no, I’m not drunk. I would just like a little time to myself to wash my hair with adult shampoo and not Johnson & Johnson’s Top to Toe No More Tears soap. Maybe I could even put on a hair treatment (gasp) and use a peppermint body scrub. Ahh. Bliss.
I love Holly dearly. My life only really took on real meaning when she was born and I can’t imagine not having her with me as much as possible. Except that I would love to shower without feeling like a, what shall I call them, like a window display model in the red light district in Amsterdam.
Lately, my gorgeous baby has taken to observing me showering while she ‘brushes her teeth’ (chews her toothbrush). Our shower door is not frosted so I feel a little vulnerable and exposed. Especially when my Mister, bless his heart and little cotton socks, follows Holly in to make sure she’s safe, not eating toilet paper and giving me a little space. Ironically, I end up with my whole family watching me shave my legs.
So, as I rinse the foam from my eyes, invariably I’ll look up to find Mister, Holly and, Idumbe the dog (who wandered in to see if we were eating yoghurt without her) packed into our tiny en-suite watching me shower.
Apart from a solo shower, if I had an invisibility cloak, I’d cover myself from top to toe (like the baby wash) and follow Holly around the garden as she chats so beautifully to herself, Jimmy the dog, her plastic truck, the flowers and the water in the swimming pool.
And, if I could have another magical apparatus, I’d like a device to translate what Holly is saying so that I could be part of her never-ending excitement and wonder at the world.
But mostly I’d like an invisibility cloak. For showering and bathing. And then maybe I’ll slip it on and watch some really trashy TV on the Style Network while I smash a big bag of Chuckles into my mouth.